Devastation and hope
It seems like there’s some connection between devastation and hope, like when you’re knocked down to the point where all you can do is look up… it’s like hey, things are looking up.
I recently lost the relationship I had with my fiance, someone it should go without saying that I love very much. It is probable that the final nail is in the coffin of that relationship after months of back and forth. But I never really told him what I wanted, I just waited for him to figure it out on his own. I didn’t want to *burden* him with my feelings while he was so upset already. All my decisions were based on him, *his* reaction, *his* feelings and my possibly very poor understanding of them.
But last night, I wrote him an email divulging all of my feelings and my perspective and how I didn’t want it to be over, that I’d just gone along with what I thought he wanted.
His reaction to this matters, of course. So do his feelings. But the important thing is that even if it’s too late for us, it isn’t too late for me. I can change the self-destructing habits I’ve been killing myself with slowly.
